Male sexual entitlement is the belief that men are owed sex on account of their maleness.
Society normalizes this message. It’s a message that’s embedded in a lot of casual phrases about sex, including ones about men being put in the “friend zone” for being “nice guys”, women “giving up” sex, and men “getting pussy.”
Cis male entitlement is embedded in everything in society—our interpersonal relationships, work dynamics, pop culture, media, education system, and so on.
But the truth is, no one is ever owed sex – not when they’re nice, not when they’re domineering, not when they’re manipulative, not when they’re attractive, and definitely not just because they’re a man.
No one is owed sex – not when they pay for drinks, not when they open doors, not when they help you out, not when they are being nice, and definitely not just because they’re a man.
We ignore these misogynistic red flags because misogyny is so normalized. After all, boys will be boys, right? And so, when a huge act of body terrorism is committed against women, we refuse to take a step back and examine the roots of the issue. Instead, we lament the tragedy as unforeseeable and incomprehensible .
Equally inevitably and often, the discussion turns to victim blaming. Articles will debate whether or not women should lie about having a significant other, whether or not women should watch their drinks, talk to strangers, be kind to people.Whether or not women should wear long skirts and hide their thighs, whether or not women should not go out at night, walk alone, reply to catcalling.Whether or not women should speak out their minds when it comes to issues that concern them, their bodies and their security.
The burden should not be on women. Women should have the unmistakable right to say no. Women should have absolute dominion over their own bodies. Women should not, as I have so many times, apologize for rejecting a man. Women should not have to explain themselves. Women should not dress for the comfort of society, women should dress for their own comfort. Women should not have to avoid certain paths in the fear of men.
If you really want to wipe out rape culture , you need to understand how male sexual entitlement negatively impacts everyone, men included. If you really want to wipe out rape culture , you need to address the male sexual entitlement. If you really want to wipe out rape culture , you need to have discussions about how the female body is just that. If you really want to wipe out rape culture , you need to have discussions to hear women out. If you really want to wipe out rape culture , you need to stop having campaigns that promote rape culture.If you really want to wipe out rape culture , you need CHECK YOURSELF.
We ignore these misogynistic red flags because misogyny is so normalized. After all, boys will be boys, right? And so, when a huge act of body terrorism is committed against women, we refuse to take a step back and examine the roots of the issue. Instead, we lament the tragedy as unforeseeable and unfathomable.
Women spend their lives marginalized by the entitlement of cis men. We spend our entire lives explaining the “NO”. We spend our lives in fear, fearing the men in the streets, fearing the men in our lives, fearing the men in our offices, fearing the men who are meant to protect us, fearing the men whose blood runs through our veins. We belong to ourselves – This has to stop! This has to stop and we do not owe anyone any explanation.
Men are not owed access to women’s bodies, no matter what. Men are not entitled to sex with women, no matter what. Men are not entitled to any woman’s body, affection, time, or conversation—no matter what. It does not matter who she is—a stranger on the street, the love of his life, an ex-girlfriend, or an ex-wife. Even in relationships, male entitlement is violent. Relationships—of any kind—do not automatically mean consent. There is no such thing as implicit consent. In cis heterosexual relationships, it is considered the duty of women to “please their men.” This is simply another form of misogyny. It does not matter if she flirted with him, accepted a drink from him, accepted a dinner date from him, or married him. None of this constitutes consent or the obligation to consent.
The consequences of privileged entitlement are dangerous. Women should be allowed to feel suspicious, to refuse, to exclude whomever from their personal space. Women do not owe anyone any chances. Why are entitled men so shocked by this? Statistically, women risk their bodies and breaths just speaking to them.
Check yourself.Check yourself.Check yourself.Check yourself.Check yourself.Check yourself. And Check yourself.some more.
If at any point in time you believe you are owed sex for any reason —including being a decent human being — you are thinking in terms of sexual entitlement.
Also, avoid viewing a woman’s role in sex as totally passive. Women are capable of orgasms, horniness, and sexual fantasy, even though women are traditionally stereotyped as having absent sexualities. Be aware of boundaries and respect them. Hear a women out when they say no. Respect it when a women tells you to stop and do not ask why, it does not concern you why they want to stop.